Joe Whyte - Digital Marketer » Funny

Gluttony Decathlon Continues | Challenge 2 | 16 chicken soft tacos

joe.whyte — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 23:27:12 +0000

The second part of the Gluttony Decathlon continued a week ago at a lonely Del Taco close to the 55 freeway in irvine California. The challenge was between 3 of the irvines most notorius stomachs. To win the challange you must eat as many soft tacos within an hour as you possibly can. Here is the run down and play by play.

The Gang

The Food

The Challengers

And they are off

Getting Sick
Brian is doing the slow and steady technique but looks like he will pewk

Longs Downfall

Brians about to burst

Tracy and long tap out like the woman they are

Brian is the Soft Taco Champ and wins by eating 16 chicken soft tacos.

This is an open invitation to anyone anywhere to get in on the gluttony Decathlon. If you feel you have eaters at your work or office then get them into the gluttony decathlon. This is NOT a joke. This Decathlon takes hard work, determination and the eye of the tiger. Only the strong survive and you have to adapt and overcome like a true soldier. If you are interested then hit me up on my contact form.

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First SEOP fat burger Challenge

joe.whyte — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 05:25:06 +0000

FAT BURGER TRIPLE KING CHALLENGE

Something I use to do with my guys over at PRIMEDIA was the Fat Burger Challange. I really enjoyed doing the food challanges we use to do over their so today we started doing something new over at SEOP. We started a new tradition where we compete in food challanges and the first one up was the famous FAT BURGER TRIPLE KING CHALLANGE.The challenge is simple, basically order a triple king at any fat burger. Make sure you get the 3 patties with bacon, egg, lettuce, tomato, relish, pickles, 4 layers of cheese, mayo and mustard, onions and 2 big buns! Here is a photo of the burger.

This burger is so big that it is impossible for you to put this thing in your mouth. My strategy was to dismantle the burger and eat it in parts (this failed misserably but I was kinda close to winning).

Ok so here is a break down of some photos of this first fat burger challange.

Brian could hardly put this burger in his mouth. He said this damn burger will not defeat me!!!

I was stuffed. I could not keep eating. I broke the burger down in parts and basically I did a double king and I could not finish the triple king. I failed miserably and I will carry this shame for the rest of my life ;-(.

Brian taps out with only a few bites left. Good thing because I think his belly was about to burst!! I think the relish and onions made him sick a bit. Without that mix up brian might have gone all the way! No shame in tapping out 2 yards away from the finish line brian .

Tracy is the SEOP champ at the Triple King Challange. Dispite many flaws at first, getting pickles on his burger instead of NO pickles, getting massive amount of cheese and tons of grease, you over came to become the fat burger champ!

Tracy had this to say:

“Here’s my burger Story…Today I ate the biggest Hamburger that I have ever had. I don’t know if it was worth it because I am starting to hurt. But would I do it again, HECK YES. “

You are awarded a Fat Burger T-shirt and a polaroid of yourself at the local fat burger. Congratulations Tracy on having a huge stomach!!!

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60 reasons why web host’s SUCK!!

joe.whyte — Tue, 27 Feb 2007 08:01:59 +0000

Have you had a bad experience with a web host? Most likely your reason is listed below. Web host can really screw you pretty hard and web hosting support can sometimes be worse then open heart surgery while you are still awake. I hate customer support teams.

Check out “60 reasons why web host suck” which me and Amy from Lunarpages web hosting came up with. It is pretty funny, some true some completly made up but hopefully people can find the humor in this and perhaps leave some of their own experiences in the comments.

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31 reasons why SEOs suck – 53 reasons why We Rock!

joe.whyte — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 22:07:43 +0000

Reasons Why SEOs SUCK

1.Some SEOs unnaturally alter digg rankings which cause you to get banned

2.Some SEOs use keyword stuffing to make you rank better but get you banned

3.Some SEOs use cloaking

4.Some SEOs take prepayment and give you no results

5.Some SEOs do spam email marketing

6.Some SEOs guarantee top ten natural rankings but deliver you top 10 paid search results

7.Some SEOs will tell you a nice web 2.o site structure needs to be redesigned with table description

8.Some SEOs scare you by saying many things are wrong with your site so they can charge you more like a car salesman

9.Some SEOs charge you for monthly search engine submissions to top search engines

10.Some SEOs have never done SEO professionally and you are their first real client – be careful

11.Some SEOs take a white hat site and employ techniques they used to get ranked on MSN but ban your site in Google

12.When an SEO only communicates via email

13.When an SEO uses a digg spammer to get your post on the top of digg and digg bans your URL – sneaky black hat seo

14.When an SEO charges 20 grand for meta tag optimization

15.When an SEO firm gets it’s client sites banned for interlinking/link farming

16.When an SEO requires one grand a month for maintenance while they do NOTHING on your site

17.When you take your SERP ranking problems to two different SEOs and they both tell you different stories on what is wrong

18.When an SEO gets 10,000 inbound links in a month and Google bans you

19.When an SEO creates a link development campaign and puts you into a link whole you can never recover from so you have to buy a new domain name

20.When an SEO is not familiar with Google filters and gets your site caught in them

21When you have to sign an SEO contract and on the contract it states “if your rankings disappear or 22.you get banned you cannot sue me”

23.We think we are really hot stuff

24.Some SEOs have only a high school diploma and some college credits but make more then people 25.who have Bachelor degrees

26.Most of us do not have tone bodies

27.We speak our mind and that offends people

28.We all like Stephen Colbert and the daily show

29.We like to tell people about new SEO ideas, topics, tricks or techniques but we do not give out our secrets. We only give people the tip of the iceberg and let them figure it out for themselves.

30.We are complete nerds

31.If you piss SEOs off they can bring your site down or Google bowl it

53 Reasons why SEOs Rock

1.If you need to be found online but do not know how

2.When you get banned we can sometimes unban you from the search engines

3.We can get you quality links

4.We have contacts in the industry to help us get discounts

5.The good SEOs can get you on digg again and again without being banned or unethical

6.The good SEOs will educate you as you go along your optimization

7.The good SEOs wont charge you an arm and a leg for simple modifications

8.We can get you to rank for competitive keyword phrases

9.SEO can make or break a new business

10.SEOs can help your search engine saturation which increases branding, sales and ranking

11.The good SEOs will not utilize black hat techniques and they will NOT get you banned

12.Maintaining search results is a full time job and some one has to do it

13.The Internet is the major source for retrieving information – you need someone to make you appear in the search
results

14.SEOs can help make your site a self reinforced authority site

15.We can diagnose problems in the serps and find ways to fix the problems

16.We know how to read multiple analytics

17.We can improve PPC landing pages to help better PPC campaigns

18.We can improve your sites conversion rate

19.We can control search engine spiders – we are the lord of the spiders

20.We can analyze and optimize the BEST keywords to target

21.We can create sub pages to rank for 2nd tier keywords and 3rd tier and so on

22.We can create and optimize multiple satellite sites to get rankings and sales for the mother site

23.We are ambitious

24.We are attractive

25.We are nerds but the cool kind

26.We are fashionable

27.Many of us are Rockyfied – triumph in the face of overwhelming odds – Rankings for the top tier of competitive
keyword phrases

28.We are experts at link bait which can drive return traffic and spike traffic to your site

29.We are experts at conversion methods

30.We can kill a deer with one hand

31.Many SEOs are actually SEM, PPC, SMO and Internet marketers so we where many hats

32.We are involved with SEO on a daily basis so we are up to date and aware of where search used to be where it is now and where its going

33.The good SEOs have the experience and the reputation that you can count on to get the job done

34.We can improve your CTR and lower your PPC budget

35.Good SEOs have quality contracts and excellent customer service

36.We offer consultation for the do it yourselfer

37.We have experience with multiple verticals and expertise with optimizing them

38.Most quality SEOs have a blog with high traffic and quality rep

39.We know what we are doing over the average JOE

40.SEO is to important to leave it up to someone that does not know what they are doing

41.In the hands of incompetency you can ruin your site for life

42.To be successful you need to rank well for your keyword terms – That is our job

43.We can diagnose technical issues missed by the untrained eye

44.Good SEOsare ethical

45.We attend conventions to challenge our thought, increase networking and are dedicated to constantly learning in this ever changing medium

46.Most of us are designers as well as SEOs

47.If you have a product or site and need exposure we are your go to guys

48.We know what an H tag is and why its important

49.We keep on top of algorithm changes

50.We keep on top of new patents placed by the Search Engines

51.Without us, most popular, worthy sites would NOT be ranked well in the search engines

52.Without us Google, MSN, Yahoo and the other major search engines would not be as popular because their results
would not return accurate sites for customer queries.

53. We are trend setters

Random Posts

What the search industry leaders are doing for Valentines Day

joe.whyte — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 19:43:07 +0000

I created a special post today about SEO’s and valentines day with the help of many of the search engine optimization leaders today. These leaders where kind enough to let me and my viewers into their private life just a little bit and I really appreciate them being so candid. I posted this over at the worlds best hosting companies blog called blog.lunarpages.com. Some of the people giving there valentine’s day stories are as follows:

Danny Sullivan
Darren Rowse
Aaron Walls
Andrew Gerhart and more.

Thanks again everyone!!!

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Flash Back to the 80’s | Thanks Stumbleupon video

joe.whyte — Fri, 09 Feb 2007 03:56:57 +0000

I was testing out stumble upon video today for a ring tone project and I came across this video. I thought it was a joke at first but as I kept letting it play it seemed like it was real. It is like a cross between tron, a bad dream and the worst production in the history of the world!!!

After such a serious post about google filters I thought it would be nice to give my viewers a little humor as this made me laugh my ass off!!!

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Seriously, what are these grown men doing? This video should never have been creater ever, EVER!!

The next roundup link was inspired by a photo generator site and I kind of just rolled with it. Check out some these photos of me and pat sajak just kickin it, drinking our asses off.

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Kevin Federline Vs Joe Whyte

joe.whyte — Sat, 03 Feb 2007 01:37:03 +0000

Recently I have been getting a lot of people calling me K-fed. I don’t know if that is an insult or a compliment but I decided to do a quick post over at lunarpages about this. I included a poll so people can go vote on this and let me know what they think. I have provided a quick photo comparison for your viewing enjoyment.

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Business card competition with Andrea Schoemaker | here are my cards

joe.whyte — Sat, 27 Jan 2007 04:42:48 +0000

Ok so here are my cards. No photo shopping, no tricking just straight cards. I wanted to post a photo of them to see if I can coax andrea in showing her cards as well to determine a true winner .

I think maybe I should have tried to get more cards and lose less money in vegas

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Affiliate Summit West – 2007 Roundup

joe.whyte — Fri, 26 Jan 2007 19:11:59 +0000

I woke up around 8:00 on sunday morning to go to vegas for affiliate summit west 2007. I made the mistake of wearing shorts to vegas which was a shocking 30 degrees with a wind chill factor of a billion! We rolled in like a true crew ready for the summit, drinks and gambling. We immediatly registered and networked for a while and meet some interesting people. Greg and Brian from BOTW, Brandy from webmaster radio, Andrew Wee, Andrea Schoemaker, Jeremy Schoemaker, some people from pay per post and many many other top affiliates and contacts.

One of the best parts of affiliate summit was the Q&A super affiliate panel. You can see the questions and answer over at conversation rater and pay close attention to web hosting questions as me and amy put forth a pretty big amount of the classes questions.

My general take on affiliate summit
One problem I think needs some serious attention concerning affiliate summit is the knowledge base and notablility of each speaker and also making sure each session comes off without a hitch as we ran into some. OVER-ALL I took away something from each class and contact I made at affiliate summit.

Check out Lunarpages web hosting blog to see more info on our trip and photos of the event. We have some funny quotes, photoshopped pics and much more!!